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| | [Excerpt] Tennessee "Kid" Cooper and Mica in: Incentive | |
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oOMeroChanOo
Posts : 81 Join date : 2013-02-16 Age : 30 Location : San Francisco, CA
| Subject: [Excerpt] Tennessee "Kid" Cooper and Mica in: Incentive 2/23/2013, 7:20 am | |
| Well here is a short excerpt from a fanfiction/fan comic I'm working on featuring Tennessee "Kid" Cooper and my fan character Michelle "Mica" Wolf. I did not describe the characters since this part of the story would be towards the middle and I was so excited about writing this scene I just couldn't wait til I began working on it fully. This is my first fanfiction so I hope you enjoy! I did my best to stay in character with TK. SUMMARYMica and Tennessee have decided to join forced to take down the evil business man Mr. Westley but first Mica needs to prove that she can keep up with a Cooper. While learning one of Tennessee's basic techniques she finds herself facing her greatest fear, heights. Word Count:1,140 | Rated: E for Everyone | Characters: Tennessee "Kid" Cooper and Michelle "Mica" Wolf- Spoiler:
Mica soon found herself at the top of a small canyon that didn't sit too far out of town. Tennessee had walked over to the edge of the Cliff and looked over the steep edge before looking back at an uptight Mica who kept her distance from the gap. “By the looks of it I reckon you ‘aint too fond of heights?” Mica’s ears perked up at the sound of Tennessee’s question.
She stared at the raccoon while biting her lower lip and looking as if she was gathering courage before she sighed, dropped her head, and answered “No…”
“Well I’ll be!” Tennessee chuckled and slapped his leg in amusement causing Mica to frown distastefully. Tennessee saw this and began to stop his laughter before clearing his throat, “Uh-hum, well little lady if you wanna run with a Cooper yer gonna have to move like a Cooper! Lesson one, the rail walk.” With that Tennessee grabbed a long board that was lying next to him and threw it down so it made a bridge between the ledges of the small canyon.
Mica stiffened as she finally understood what she was going to need to do. Tennessee “Kid” Cooper was not only known for his robberies but also for his agile speed and ability to walk and slide across object that ranged from thin planks to ropes. Mica gulped at the thought of crossing the canyon on the bridge Tennessee had just set up, “Erm, Kid? I don’t think-“
“This here technique is simple,” with that Tennessee jumped in the air and landed on the board in a crouching motion. He showed no signs of unbalance as he quickly made his way across the thin board and onto the neighboring cliff which the board’s other side had landed. “See, it’s as easy shootin’ fish in a barrel! Now its yer turn Miss Mica”
Mica stared in amazement at Tennessee as this was the first time she’s ever been able to witness the rail walk personally. Mica felt excitement surge through her as she realized for the first time that the raccoon standing before her was the actual infamous outlaw Tennessee “Kid” Cooper. He made it all look easy which gave Mica a sense of false confidence as she walked over to the board and placed her right foot on it. She crouched down in a ready position and looked at Tennessee for the signal to go.
Tennessee saw the confidence she had a grinned while raising an eyebrow, “Well someone’s pretty darn sure of herself,” he crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow, “You sure you’re gonna make it across. It’s a mighty long ways down.” Tennessee looked over the edge and squinted as if not being able to see the bottom of the canyon. Mica gave a smile and nodded but doubt began to feel her mind. She looked down as Tennessee did only to find that the ‘long ways down’ appeared to be much longer in her eyes.
Mica quickly stumbled backward and shivered, “Uh, perhaps this isn’t such a grand idea? I mean, this isn’t a proper learning environment for a beginner.”
“And what, in yer opinion, is a ‘proper learnin environment’?” Tennessee enunciated the words in a way to mimic Mica.
“Well,” Mica straightened up and cleared her throat, “Perhaps something that wasn’t so… risky.”
“Risky!? Hah, you crack me up! Bein’ a thief is all ‘bout takin risks. If you ‘aint got no guts then you might as well mosey on home. I ‘aint got no time for some fraidy cat to be tailing me and causin’ trouble.”
“I ‘aint no fraidy cat!” Mica growled and dropped her studious compose as anger took over.
“Now we’re talkin! I think yer ready!” Tennessee showed delight at getting Mica fired up and she, herself, felt that surge of confidence run through her again. Mica went back over to the board and resumed her previous position. She did her best to keep her eyes on Tennessee but she soon found them falling to the space she was about to cross. “Dontcha’ worry none about that there canyon. Just keep your eyes straight ahead and think of it as incentive for gettin’ across.”
“Incentive? That’s a nice way to put it,” Mica muttered under her breath while beginning to take her first step. She soon found herself completely off the safety of the cliff and in mid-air doing her best to balance herself on a thin board. Mica took a deep breath in and continued her way to the other side.
“That’s it, nice and easy!” Tennessee encouraged as Mica took unsteady steps in his direction while shaking to keep herself up straight. After what seemed like a great distance traveled Mica decided to take her eyes off her feet and look up to see how much farther she had to go. To her dismay she saw an even greater distance ahead of her which caused her mind to suddenly become hazy as her vision seemed to fade in and out of focus. She was panicking and the only thing she could think of other than “I’m gonna fall” was to go faster to reach the end.
Tennessee saw her pick up speed and suddenly worry filled his face as she seemed to forget about keeping balance and clumsily started taking big strides towards his side of the canyon. She began to sway side to side, back and forth, and wave her arms about in flapping motions as she lost more and more control of her ability to think clearly. She saw the distance between her and Tennessee was getting shorter which caused her to almost run before she seemed to misplace her footing and begin to slip off the board. With that Tennessee swung out his cane and grabbed a not too far away Mica around the waist with the hooked end pulling her towards him before she completely fell. He caught her in his arms as she couldn’t help but take deep breaths in as her heart was racing faster than it ever had before.
“You okay Miss Mica?” Tennessee asked concerned as the grey fox moved her emerald eyes upward to look at him and held her breath. Mika began to blush a little then nodded before suddenly feeling sick to her stomach. She pushed Tennessee away and ran behind a small rock face before ‘losing her lunch’ and falling to her knees. Tennessee laughed at her and pointed, “Ah ha ha, you big wimp!” Mica was angered by Tennessee’s comment as she usually was when someone insulted her but was in no mood for a fight. Mica did her best to catch her breath and choke back some tears as she leaned her head against the rock face as her stomach continued to turn.
“Some Incentive….”
Comments? Critics? Anything please!!!!
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| | | EmileTheWatcher
Posts : 11 Join date : 2013-02-16 Location : Snow!
| Subject: Re: [Excerpt] Tennessee "Kid" Cooper and Mica in: Incentive 2/24/2013, 1:43 am | |
| Not bad, I cant really say I love the idea since I have no idea what the overall story is about, aside form what I assume is a budding romance between Mica and Kid. I know you have a summery, but this bit isn't enough for me to get a proper feel for the story.
The only thing I noticed is you seem to have issues with past and present tense. Using something like -ing- which is present tense, and then two words later using -ed- which is past tense just sounds really wrong.
There were also a few sentences which could have been shortened slightly, and still had the same effect with a rewording, since as they currently were it sometimes sounded odd.
Also using names too much can get annoying as well, so unless your constantly passing from one character to another, its usually better to just use he and she as describers. But that can also get to be too much, so its about finding a balance between using names and other descriptive words.
These are all my thoughts by the way, tips I've learned while I've been writing Fan Fiction for the past four years, so feel free to ignore them if you so choose.
Or not, up to you.
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| | | oOMeroChanOo
Posts : 81 Join date : 2013-02-16 Age : 30 Location : San Francisco, CA
| Subject: Re: [Excerpt] Tennessee "Kid" Cooper and Mica in: Incentive 2/24/2013, 3:45 am | |
| sorry. I really tried. I have a... different writing style which my professors have grown to like while others hate. I'm really trying to do what you have said which I can actually see myself. I think my style simply mimics the styles of my favorite authors which are... very old. I'm talking 1800's so I really need to get up to date. Thank you very much for the help. I'll keep that in mind.
I seem to overwrite sentences because I see so much in my mind that I want the reader to fully understand things. Exactly why I don't write fanfics in the future or write any at all in the near future(these are how my comics start. I write them like this then draw)
Oh, also, there IS NO ROMANCE BETWEEN MICA AND TENNESSEE. She blushes in embarrassment which, if I drew, would be really obvious. She doesn't like to fail at things and lose composer.
P.S. this is simply a practice for me to get use to writing out Tennessee and actual not suppose to draw people to the story. the summary is for this section only unless you read the Summary in Mica's profile. It's long and quiet frankly Mica never becomes a part of his team. they just work together this once. | |
| | | EmileTheWatcher
Posts : 11 Join date : 2013-02-16 Location : Snow!
| Subject: Re: [Excerpt] Tennessee "Kid" Cooper and Mica in: Incentive 2/24/2013, 3:48 pm | |
| - oOMeroChanOo wrote:
- sorry. I really tried. I have a... different writing style which my professors have grown to like while others hate. I'm really trying to do what you have said which I can actually see myself. I think my style simply mimics the styles of my favorite authors which are... very old. I'm talking 1800's so I really need to get up to date. Thank you very much for the help. I'll keep that in mind.
I seem to overwrite sentences because I see so much in my mind that I want the reader to fully understand things. Exactly why I don't write fanfics in the future or write any at all in the near future(these are how my comics start. I write them like this then draw)
Oh, also, there IS NO ROMANCE BETWEEN MICA AND TENNESSEE. She blushes in embarrassment which, if I drew, would be really obvious. She doesn't like to fail at things and lose composer.
P.S. this is simply a practice for me to get use to writing out Tennessee and actual not suppose to draw people to the story. the summary is for this section only unless you read the Summary in Mica's profile. It's long and quiet frankly Mica never becomes a part of his team. they just work together this once. Eh, don't apologize, like I said it was good, those were just a few tiny mistakes, things easily missed. Hell, I still miss those from time to time, then I go back and read something I wrote and facepalm because I can't figure out why I typed it like that in the first place. Hey, I just guessed on the romance, what with the blush, if your going to write it out you have to remember to put in something to describe it. Say she was embarrassed or something. otherwise I can tell you most peoples first reaction to a blush are going to be along the lines of "This person likes this person" As for overwriting sentences, its not necessarily bad, as long as they are worded correctly, I know that's counter to what I already told you, but I've seen it done. All I can say in the end is to keep practicing. I liked your writing style, and wouldn't mind getting the full read, or comic if you draw it. | |
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