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 [Excerpt] Tennessee "Kid" Cooper and Mica in: Incentive

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oOMeroChanOo

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PostSubject: [Excerpt] Tennessee "Kid" Cooper and Mica in: Incentive   2/23/2013, 7:20 am

Well here is a short excerpt from a fanfiction/fan comic I'm working on featuring Tennessee "Kid" Cooper and my fan character Michelle "Mica" Wolf. I did not describe the characters since this part of the story would be towards the middle and I was so excited about writing this scene I just couldn't wait til I began working on it fully. This is my first fanfiction so I hope you enjoy! I did my best to stay in character with TK.

SUMMARY
Mica and Tennessee have decided to join forced to take down the evil business man Mr. Westley but first Mica needs to prove that she can keep up with a Cooper. While learning one of Tennessee's basic techniques she finds herself facing her greatest fear, heights.

Word Count:1,140 | Rated: E for Everyone | Characters: Tennessee "Kid" Cooper and Michelle "Mica" Wolf

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Comments? Critics? Anything please!!!!


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EmileTheWatcher

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PostSubject: Re: [Excerpt] Tennessee "Kid" Cooper and Mica in: Incentive   2/24/2013, 1:43 am

Not bad, I cant really say I love the idea since I have no idea what the overall story is about, aside form what I assume is a budding romance between Mica and Kid. I know you have a summery, but this bit isn't enough for me to get a proper feel for the story.

The only thing I noticed is you seem to have issues with past and present tense. Using something like -ing- which is present tense, and then two words later using -ed- which is past tense just sounds really wrong.

There were also a few sentences which could have been shortened slightly, and still had the same effect with a rewording, since as they currently were it sometimes sounded odd.

Also using names too much can get annoying as well, so unless your constantly passing from one character to another, its usually better to just use he and she as describers. But that can also get to be too much, so its about finding a balance between using names and other descriptive words.

These are all my thoughts by the way, tips I've learned while I've been writing Fan Fiction for the past four years, so feel free to ignore them if you so choose.

Or not, up to you.
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oOMeroChanOo

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PostSubject: Re: [Excerpt] Tennessee "Kid" Cooper and Mica in: Incentive   2/24/2013, 3:45 am

sorry. I really tried. I have a... different writing style which my professors have grown to like while others hate. I'm really trying to do what you have said which I can actually see myself. I think my style simply mimics the styles of my favorite authors which are... very old. I'm talking 1800's so I really need to get up to date. Thank you very much for the help. I'll keep that in mind.

I seem to overwrite sentences because I see so much in my mind that I want the reader to fully understand things. Exactly why I don't write fanfics in the future or write any at all in the near future(these are how my comics start. I write them like this then draw)

Oh, also, there IS NO ROMANCE BETWEEN MICA AND TENNESSEE. She blushes in embarrassment which, if I drew, would be really obvious. She doesn't like to fail at things and lose composer.

P.S. this is simply a practice for me to get use to writing out Tennessee and actual not suppose to draw people to the story. the summary is for this section only unless you read the Summary in Mica's profile. It's long and quiet frankly Mica never becomes a part of his team. they just work together this once.

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EmileTheWatcher

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PostSubject: Re: [Excerpt] Tennessee "Kid" Cooper and Mica in: Incentive   2/24/2013, 3:48 pm

oOMeroChanOo wrote:
sorry. I really tried. I have a... different writing style which my professors have grown to like while others hate. I'm really trying to do what you have said which I can actually see myself. I think my style simply mimics the styles of my favorite authors which are... very old. I'm talking 1800's so I really need to get up to date. Thank you very much for the help. I'll keep that in mind.

I seem to overwrite sentences because I see so much in my mind that I want the reader to fully understand things. Exactly why I don't write fanfics in the future or write any at all in the near future(these are how my comics start. I write them like this then draw)

Oh, also, there IS NO ROMANCE BETWEEN MICA AND TENNESSEE. She blushes in embarrassment which, if I drew, would be really obvious. She doesn't like to fail at things and lose composer.

P.S. this is simply a practice for me to get use to writing out Tennessee and actual not suppose to draw people to the story. the summary is for this section only unless you read the Summary in Mica's profile. It's long and quiet frankly Mica never becomes a part of his team. they just work together this once.

Eh, don't apologize, like I said it was good, those were just a few tiny mistakes, things easily missed. Hell, I still miss those from time to time, then I go back and read something I wrote and facepalm because I can't figure out why I typed it like that in the first place.

Hey, I just guessed on the romance, what with the blush, if your going to write it out you have to remember to put in something to describe it. Say she was embarrassed or something. otherwise I can tell you most peoples first reaction to a blush are going to be along the lines of "This person likes this person" As for overwriting sentences, its not necessarily bad, as long as they are worded correctly, I know that's counter to what I already told you, but I've seen it done.

All I can say in the end is to keep practicing. I liked your writing style, and wouldn't mind getting the full read, or comic if you draw it.
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